


You're Not Santa Claus

by StBridget



Series: Dec FB Challenge [1]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: AO3 Writers Facebook Group Monthly Challenge, Christmas, Gen, Mall Santa Claus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StBridget/pseuds/StBridget
Summary: An obnoxious kid at the mall gives Mac and Jack a hard time about being Santa.





	You're Not Santa Claus

**Author's Note:**

> MacGyver is property of CBS and its creators.
> 
> Inspired by Leroy the Red-Neck Reindeer by Joe Diffy.
> 
> This is part of the December FB AO3 Writers group challenge. The idea is to take a theme and write 2 stories, one platonic, one not. I chose Leroy the Red-Neck Reindeer because the song came up on my ipod (not as part of the Sing-A-Long group), and this plot bunny's been niggling at me since. I'm hoping to get the romantic version up before 12th night.

“Ho, ho, ho,” Mac said as what seemed like (and probably was) the hundredth kid of the day climbed on his lap. He tried to make it as deep and full as possible, but it didn’t come naturally to him, and his voice was getting worn out from saying it. “Tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”

The boy on Mac’s lap was probably about six or seven, old enough to start doubting Santa and probably there at the insistence of his mom. Mac could see her in his peripheral vision, beaming at the son she probably considered perfect, and Mac was sure wasn’t. The boy looked at Mac skeptically. “Are you really Santa?”

Mac, being a professional liar, didn’t even hesitate. “Of course I am. Don’t you believe me?”

“That’s what the Santa last weekend said,” the boy said. “And the Santa the weekend before that.” Good grief, how many times had this boy visited Santa? Either he was really greedy, or his mom really liked Santa pictures. Mac was betting on the latter. “You can’t all be real.”

Mac thought fast. “You’re right. We’re just stand-ins for the real Santa Claus. He can’t be everywhere, and it’s hard for him to get away from his workshop this time of year, so he asks a whole bunch of us all across the US to take his place, find out what the girls and boys want, and report back to him.”

“So, are you an elf?” the boy asked. He still sounded doubtful. Mac couldn’t blame him. He’d be doubtful, too.

Mac decided to roll with it. “Yes, yes, I’m an elf.”

The kid wasn’t buying it. “Aren’t you to tall too be an elf?”

Dammit, why was the kid arguing with everything? It was his idea. “We’re special elves, picked just for this, so we’re taller than the other ones.”

The kid either accepted this or, more likely, got bored of the line of questioning. He moved on to other topics. He stared at Jack dressed up as Rudolph, complete with red foam nose. “You’re definitely not a reindeer.”

Jack’s bullshit tolerance was minimal, and this kid had crossed it. “No, I’m not. It’s a disguise. I’m really Santa’s bodyguard. I’m protecting him from obnoxious kids like you who waste his time.”

“Jack!” Mac hissed. Mac should never have agreed to let Jack come along when he agreed to take a shift as Santa at the mall to raise funds for a local charity. Jack had a big heart and wanted to help, not to mention he never liked to let Mac out of his sight when there was the slightest chance he might be in danger (Mac insisted no one was going to shoot Santa Claus, but Jack wasn’t buying it), but he wasn’t great with kids. Eight hours of dealing with screaming, crying, obnoxious kids was enough to try anyone’s patience, let alone Jack’s.

The kid was unphased. “So, are you supposed to be Rudolph or something?”

Mac broke in before Jack could answer. God knows what was going to come out of Jack’s mouth, but Mac gave it even odds it wouldn’t be fit for childish ears. “Actually, he’s Leroy the red-neck reindeer,” Mac said, because what fun was it if he couldn’t mock Jack?

“Really, Mac?” Jack said, low enough that only Mac could hear him.

The kid looked blank. “Who’s that?”

Jack may not be crazy about being called Leroy the red-neck reindeer, but that hurt his pride. “You mean to tell me you haven’t heard of the second-greatest reindeer of all time?” Jack said, his drawl coming out full force, which only proved Mac’s point. 

The kid was taken aback by Jack’s outburst. “Uh, no?”

“You’re really missing out, kid,” Jack said. “It’s one hell of a Christmas story. Sorry, one heck of a story,” he corrected at a glare from Mac.

The kid’s belligerence was back. “Then, why haven’t I heard it?”

Mac spoke before Jack could say anything further. Mac was pretty sure the next words out of Jack’s mouth were going to be something along the lines of “Because you’re an ignorant punk,” and that wouldn’t go over well. The kid might not take offense, but his mother sure as hell would. She was already looking a little murderous at their treatment of her son. “Look it up,” Mac said. “Now, why don’t you tell me what you want for Christmas?”

The kid glared at Mac. “I’m not going to tell you anything. I don’t care what you say, you’re a fake.”

Mac was much more patient than Jack, but his patience wasn’t infinite. Mac had had it with this kid. “Then why are you here?” Mac snapped.

“My mom made me,” the kid said, sullenly. “She thinks the pictures are cute. She makes me do this every year, even though I’m too old to sit on Santa’s lap.”

Despite his annoyance, Mac did feel a twinge of sympathy for the kid. “Okay, let’s get this over with. Smile for the camera.”

The kid’s smile was definitely forced, but they got the picture taken, and he moved off. Mac snuck a look at his watch while waiting for the next kid, a girl of about four in a rufflely red dress crying and hanging onto her mother’s hand for dear life. Only an hour left. Mac could do this. He hoped.

**Author's Note:**

> I got bogged down in finishing Sing-A-Long, so I didn't get my Christmas stories written, though I did get several of my H50 ones cross-posted from FF. I figure if I get them up by 12th night, it counts, right? ;)


End file.
